Fine

It comes in tides and waves,
missing you that is.
Most of the time I'm fine,
and then I lose myself.
In your exhales against my neck.
the sheets, the sighs.
Most of the time I'm fine
and then I lose myself.
In the first "I love you",
when one hopes to hear something twice,
just to feel your own heart stop and beat again.
The brushing of my hair behind my ear,
the pencil against all the papers of songs I wrote you.
Most of the time I'm fine..
But then it rains and I'm reminded of the screams, the whys, the last words that I didin't know were last.
And it's all one sad song, that replays in my head.
Its called "Most of the time I'm fine." 

Crimson

The crime scene is always different,
but the amount of blood stays the same.
Shades of crimson anger under my nails,
sounds of echoed pain in my head.
Shattered glass against the skin,
 and I'm the one digging deep,
instructed by all the standards I didn’t meet this time.
Again.
Because all the mirrors show the world that takes my life away.
Its walls of insecurity that shift to currencies of nations,
to the ground of ideals through which my heavy troubled thoughts always falls.
Again.
My nails scream crimson despair.
For all the bodies that fall like tears every second that goes by.
For the power that is never shared equally,
for the hope of something better that never lasts.
For the place I am given determined from what I have between my legs.
For all the things I wish I could change, but I know I can't.
So I fall through the cracks of an invented system, through the broken mirrors that I smash- the portrait of the truth I can't accept.
Again.
I keep wearing broken dreams as smiles,
walking through fractured mirrors building castles.
On which I'm safe from everybody else, but myself.